It’s not an ending but the hope of a new beginning. Thow off the clichés and discover how (and why) to create a promise to try something different.

To-do lists, shopping lists, pro-con lists. There’s something about distilling information down into bitesize, bullet-pointed pieces that we just can’t get enough of – and making a bucket list is such a good example of that. Maybe you’ve never formalised it and it’s just a vague idea of things you’d like to achieve, stored only in your own head. Perhaps it is scribbled down in a notebook somewhere, imagined up after a couple of drinks with friends. For the really organised, they may even be a colour-coded Excel sheet featuring realistic deadlines and steps to achieve each one. However you choose to document it, it’s likely you’ve at least thought about creating that list.

Despite its quite morbid-seeming origins – the term comes from the idea of things to do before you ‘kick the bucket’ – these lists can actually inspire a feeling of hope. By promising ourselves we’ll go skydiving, or write that novel, we are planning for the future. Just by adding to your list, you’re suggesting that something good will happen, that there’s still something fun to aim for. To a certain extent, creating the list itself, can be just as fulfilling as completing the activities on it. It’s a new beginning, an opportunity to set fresh goals for yourself and, although we all love that feeling of satisfaction when you do finally cross something off, whether you ever actually tick them off, is for you to decide – half the joy is in the dreaming, after all.

Also, for you to decide is your own deadline. It might feel nice to give yourself the indefinite timeline of ‘at some point in life’, but you can also make it more specific. People compile all kinds of bucket lists: things to do before a milestone birthday, over a specific summer, before the little ones start school. The only rules are the ones you set.

Which brings us back to that skydiving promise. Most of us feel that a successful bucket list needs to be filled with lofty once-in-a-lifetime dreams, but the most important thing is that they’re personal to you. If you can’t imagine anything worse than skydiving, it doesn’t have to make it onto your list. Your list should be full of things that excite you, not things that fill you with dread, or you feel like you ‘should’ do because they’re on a list you found on the internet. The best thing about bucket lists is that no two should be the same. Each one should be unique to the person who wrote it. You don’t have to show it to anyone, so make it your own – judgement free.

There’s also an argument for adding in a few milestones on the smaller scale. Read the book that’s been sat on the bedside table. Reach out to the friend you’ve been meaning to get back in contact with. Host that dinner party you’ve been putting off because of the faff. Learn how to make fresh pasta from scratch. Bucket lists can often be accused of focusing so much on ‘big’ experiences that they become more an exercise in overachieving than living in the moment. So, by adding some more feasible goals into the mix, your list will be more curated than cliché – just be sure they still excite, there’s no ‘do the ironing’ going on there. The best bit about these smaller (but no less important) goals? They’re much easier to achieve than, say, a trip around the world, so you’re going to get that little buzz from crossing them off that bit sooner.

Next time you have a quiet moment, why not sit down with a pen and paper and write your own? Or keep it in your head – whatever works for you. Then, start ticking them off – or don’t. We won’t tell.