Make time for me

Fluffy? Navel gazing? Indulgent? These are all adjectives I’ve heard attributed to ‘self-care’ – the buzz word that, post-pandemic, has become ubiquitous. Influencers have adopted it, companies commoditized it, and it’s now added onto product labels, splashed on holiday brochures and sprinkled across smoothie menus. It’s enough to make you tune out… but please don’t. Because I believe to sideline self-care would be to miss out on an essential tool for happiness and healthiness. And neglecting it can lead to a whole set of challenges to navigate.
   
Self-esteem coach and author of The Joy Of Saying No Natalie Lue says that people can often reject the notion of self-care because it contains the word ‘self’ and “we have been socialized and conditioned that thinking of the self is wrong”. Society has evolved to think “woman, especially, are supposed to give and give. To sacrifice themselves and do it all without complaint.” This means we feel guilty for making time for ourselves and so don’t prioritize it. So what exactly is self-care? The dictionary definition is: “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s health”, but I think we’ve come to associate it with soaking in a bath with a face mask on (and, by all means, do that because it’s soul gladdening). It’s actually so much more than that – it’s about tuning into your needs, finding space for yourself and doing what you want to do.
   
Why do we need to practise it? “As humans, we aren’t designed for the lives we are leading today,’ says Lue. ‘We are more connected, working longer hours and juggling far more things –there’s just so much pressure.” Factor in the anxiety caused by the pandemic and there are now swathes of us whose mental and physical resilience is depleted.
   
This elevated level of baseline stress can mean our bodies are flooded with hormones, such as adrenalin and cortisol which, in turn, can lead to – deep breath – anxiety, burnout, heart disease, Alzheimer’s and accelerated ageing. Lue comments: “When we repeatedly stress ourselves, we run multiple red and amber lights and, eventually, the body will slam on the breaks.” In her case, Lue believes high stress and minimal me-time flared up her tinnitus. When the body is overloaded “it will go to great lengths to get your attention”, she adds. Managing stress with self-care suddenly seems less woo woo and more a necessity.
   
Scientific evidence show that self-care can make a real difference to our mental and physical health. Deep breathing triggers the vagus nerve to tell the nervous system to lower cortisol, blood pressure and heart rate. Aromatherapy can lesson anxiety while massage can improve circulation and boost feel good hormones. Stretching increases flexibility and circulation and wards off injury.
   
Still need help making the mental shift to prioritize it? Here are some ideas. Firstly, change up your thinking. If you consider self-care selfish, think of the old analogy about oxygen masks on a plane. If you don’t fix yours first, how can you effectively help others? Lue adds, “also taking care of yourself allows you to give from a healthy energized place, rather than a depleted place.” She goes on to say, “prioritizing me time is about recognizing your needs are valid and as important as anyone else’s. It’s showing yourself respect.” I know I didn’t do this for the longest time and I suffered for it. And those around me did, too, as my resentment simmered.
   
Beyond tweaking our mental approach, how to do we actually action change? Kyle Killian, an author who has written on burnout, says to increase the likelihood of adopting self-care rituals they must be simple, doable and accessible.
   
I have a few strategies that have really worked for me. Diarize self-care time (fitness beauty, travel, whatever brings you joy). Plan exercise with a friend – it means you are less likely to cancel. And create more space for the things you want to do by saying no to those you don’t. The latter can be hard. Especially for people pleasers. Natalie Lue says: “I have lots of scripts for saying no, but one of the most effective is, ‘I don’t have capacity'.” She adds that when saying no, keep it brief – don’t write a page-long explanation of why. Once you’ve started flexing your ‘no’ muscle you’ll find it gets stronger and less uncomfortable to use. And as you reap the rewards so the guilt lessons, until eventually its eradicated. So now you know the facts behind the fluff, I say start making some more space for yourself today. You won’t regret it, I promise.