The festive season can be overwhelming for little ones, but there are ways you can help ease the stress – for both you and them. Brigid Moss explains.

If you were to design the perfect recipe for a meltdown, Christmas would have every ingredient: a month-long build-up, piles of new toys wrapped in shiny paper, sparkly lights, long hours of travelling, late bedtimes and, to top it all, a sackful of sugar.

So, you’ll be pleased to know you can stop your child’s excitement boiling over into emotional overload. And that’s even when they are faced with missing batteries, broken toys or having to leave a party.

The absolute foundation of calm for little ones, says child psychotherapist Louis Weinstock, author of How the World is Making Our Children Mad and What To Do About It, is movement. Even better if it is in nature. “I’ve often used the analogy of a dog to explain to parents about this. You know what a dog does if you don’t take it out: it barks, whines, scratches, runs in circles. Although we are humans, we are also animals. We have bodies that, just like dogs, need fresh air and to let off steam,” says Weinstock.

“Being in nature is so powerful: one study showed that a walk outside for 20 minutes a day treated ADHD symptoms as effectively as a dose of prescription medication,” he says. Plan to get wrapped up and out of the door first thing, if you can; early morning daylight sets the body clock so that bedtime will be easier later on.

You may even find your child enjoys a walk more than other, more organised, holiday outings, says psychologist Dr Jessamy Hibberd, author of How to Overcome Trauma and Find Yourself Again. “We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make memories. We think we need to have more decorations or a bigger tree, more presents, a tidier house, more outings. This leaves you less time to enjoy yourself – and your children probably won’t care,” she explains. You don’t have to do more or buy more as the best memories are often low-key: about spending time together, playing boardgames or snuggling up reading a Christmas book.

Dr Hibberd also advises scheduling downtime for all of you. This will show your children that rest is essential. “It’s good when an adult models taking a break,” she says. And the calmer you are, the calmer your child will be, because your physical state co-regulates that of your child. “Studies show that a calm tone of voice can really help younger children to downregulate their nervous systems, so they feel calmer, too,” adds Weinstock.

Quiet time at home is also a safety valve after having to control behaviour in public. “It takes a lot of energy to be well-behaved,” says Dr Hibberd. “Let children unwind at home with the family, where there are no rules. Let them do nothing! Let them get bored!”

When you’re busy, your usual boundaries often become a bit more flexible, and that’s fine, says Weinstock. “We might let our children watch a lot more TV or be on the iPad more,” he says. “They may end up eating a lot more sugar. But when these things accumulate, children can become hyper stimulated,” he says. Check in with your children regularly to see what they need. “And try to maintain some boundaries,” adds Weinstock. For example, seek to stick to your usual pre-bed routine. And when it comes to sugar, aim to make sure that they eat at least some real, unprocessed food first.

You’ll know if you have a child who is more sensitive to noise and to busyness. Then, you’ll need to find a way to give them more space. If it’s a hectic day coming up, help stop unwanted surprises by telling them the day’s plan or even drawing it out, if they are old enough to understand.

You could also experiment with relaxation techniques, such as stretching and/or breathing until you find one that your child likes. Dr Hibberd has these two Christmassy ones to try.

• Hold up one finger in front of your mouth and pretend it is a candle. As you breathe out, blow the air out through your mouth very slowly and softly. Feel the air on your finger and watch the candle flicker. Blow all the way out. Breathe in through your nose. Repeat three times.
• Stretch out like a star. Reach up, high above your head, stretching your arms and your fingers as high as you can. Stretch out your legs and point your toes. Take a deep breath in and now breathe out as you relax and place your arms at your sides.

If you're travelling, bring your child’s favourite toys and comforters, as well as quieter activities that you know relax them. “Painting, drawing and reading are really good ways to unwind, as creativity keeps them in the moment,” says Dr Hibberd. “And research shows that creativity helps build emotional skills and critical thinking, as well as helping reduce stress,” she adds. However, even if you do everything ‘right’, there are likely still going to be meltdowns. “When it happens, don’t be harsh on the child,” says Weinstock, adding: “The best and simplest strategy is to validate their feelings by saying: ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling upset that you can’t have more screentime/more chocolate/longer at the party.’ Then give them a cuddle.”

Brigid Moss is a health writer and editor, and co-author, with Professor David Nutt, of Psychedelics (Yellow Kite). Follow her on Instagram @brigidmoss